Someone Please Tell Me What Happened To Mary-Kate and Ashley

I've been really nostalgic lately. I've been thinking a lot about what happened to my Polly Pockets and my JumpStart 1st Game video game with the annoying lunch room percentage puzzles where the nerdy kid ALWAYS asks for 100 percent broccoli and how he probs didn't have many friends. I even recorded an episode of PB&J Otter that's on cable later this week. All of that stuff has long gone in a time capsule that looks more like a grave. R.I.P.

However, there is one crucial piece of my childhood that is still living (I think), breathing (I think), and perfectly capable of making straight to VHS/DVD movies and cheesy day-time ABC Family sitcoms. And I'm certain of this b/c word on the street is they have access to all the good drugs so in all honesty, these movies/television shows will probably be more entertaining and get much better rating now than they ever really did on air. (Shout out to So Little Time, may we never forget.)

What I'm getting at is; where the fack are Mary-Kate and Ashley? They obviously don't realize how lost I am without them and they obviously must have not gotten my fan mail. As far as I know, they have their act together more than Amanda Bynes and aren't almost bald like Miley, so I do not see any reason to stay out of the spotlight any longer. (MK- I know that eating disorder bit kind of rattled your brittle little bones, but the world is different now. We've adapted to the times and more sensitive about it. I swearz. Bible.)

Also, you only went to Sydney, London, Paris, Rome, Bahamas and Utah so I need a nice Canada and Mexico video before you retire. May I suggest Niagara Falls? Or perhaps Tijuana? I heard Panama City Beach is lovely in late March?

The bottom line is:

Dear MK & A,
WE need you. I need you. Come back to Dualstar ASAP.

P.S. Quit fashion cause, let's be honest.
P.S.S. I bought some shoes from ur line and actually wore them once so yay!
xoxo miss u luv u kissez

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