Excuse of Absence

Didn't mean to leave you hanging there, as I'm sure you were in total distress, but these past few months have been pretty busy. For example, I discovered  Breaking Bad on Netflix, Dirty Shirley Temples at my favorite bar and the Divergent book series. Do not worry though because I spent much of this time aligning my chakras, listening to/ watching Beyonce's new album on repeat and of course discovering a bunch of new things to share with you (cc: new MAC lipstick colors and a teatox that actually works!!!) More of that later though. I want to make this post about the things I learned during my last fall semester of college. Hopefully you will take some notes, learn some lessons and most importantly not repeat my mistakes. R.I.P 2013 #blessed.

Here's my top 10 lessons from the last few months of 2013:

1. 35-Cent shots are NOT your friend. They seem nice, like a boy who texts you "just cause he was thinking about you," but the truth is, they always take a dark and twisted turn and leave you confused, lonely and cuddling a cat under one arm and a large 3-topping pizza under the other. To sum it up: Just. Don't.


2. Law classes aren't what Elle Woods made them out to be. They aren't fun. No one wears pink. The tests are hard. The teacher isn't hot. You'll probably cry everyday. You won't learn anything valuable in your actual career field, but you'll learn about habeas corpus which might help you out somewhere down the line.

3.  I am not Beyonce. I shall not twerk at the bar, at house parties or in the bedroom because I am not "Bootylicious" or "Fierce." Direct quotes from my friends and boyfriend. Yay criticism.

4. Just because baby orchids exist and are on sale for 10 dollars does not mean you should buy one. Orchids are harder than a newborn child. 1/2 a teaspoon frozen into an ice cube form and also keep near a window, but not in direct sunlight, but make sure there's no draft, but make sure it's above 70 degrees, but make sure it's not 71 degrees, but make sure it's not 69 degrees. Mine lasted three days.

5. Jennifer Lawrence is God. If she tweeted, her Twitter feed would be a Bible. This girl rocks, she's hot, she loves to eat, takes a shot before the red carpet and she's a badass with a bow and arrow. Plus she looks good blonde or brunette which as we all know is not an easy task. Basically, we're best friends, she just doesn't know it yet.

6. Only ordering Chinese food once a week is still not "budgeting your money" or healthy. But it's an addiction so I really don't know what to do about this. Looking for a friend. Or rehab. Life is in shambles.

7. Lingerie is fun! Just make sure you lock your door or your best friends will come in trying to get you to come to a Chinese food buffet with them and they'll get a surprise that they can't give back. And then it's weird. And then you have to eat Chinese food and avoid eye contact for an hour with them because, it's like, a buffet. Personal note- sorry about that, guys.

8. Grocery stores are full of treasures! This month's favorites include: Siggi's Icelandic-Style Yogurt, Friendly's Sundae Cups (all of them), Fresh Pico de Gallo and Guacamole Samples! YAY!

9. Don't ever, ever, ever feel bad about spending money on books. Reading is the coolest and most magical thing in the entire world. Whether it's a journey of war like in Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins or a compassionate story of a sad Mormon girl in Nevada like in Burned by Ellen Hopkins, books have this unbelievable power to build a fire in your imagination and a serenity in your soul. So whether it's a hardcover horror novel, a paperback passion story or even a digital download that is a portal to a fictional post-apocolypse world- Buy it. Read it. Savor it. Share it.


10. If you're not of Asian decent, do not attempt Asian foods. Failed cheese wontons. Failed Pho. Failed life. Leave it to the professionals. Lesson Learned.

I guess that's pretty much it because I'm cold and kind of hungry so here's an inspirational quote (aka tweet) to let you rest easy:

"FACTS: candy = good, blankets are dope, pajamas have a cool vibe, hugging is $$$." - Aidy Bryant of Saturday Night Live.

Namaste. Xo. Missed you.


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